Home > A for Awesomeness > The World’s Worst Resume

The World’s Worst Resume


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A person’s resume presents to potential employers one’s qualifications and shows a glimpse of who they are as an individual. It can often make or break your chances of even receiving an interview for a job. Here’s how to not to write a proper resume.


John Doe
(415)123-4567
beerlovermaniac666@somewhere.com

Goal:
To earn a six-figure salary for everyday that I work (like Barry Zito)

Education:
Don’t remember

Skills:

  • Burp nonstop 50 times
  • Whistle “The Star Spangled Banner”
  • Drink 40 shots of vodka before passing out
  • Roll my tongue
  • Make at least 45 different fart sounds

Criminal History:

October 1998– Arrested for attempted murder on former employer

Birth-Present– Served a total of 25 months in prison for multiple instances of possession of weapons charges, resisting arrest and drug smuggling

Work Experience:
Maintenance worker at Harding Park

  1. Collected golf balls from water hazards

Strip Club Bouncer

  1. Dealt with rowdy drunks and hostile guests

Awards/Honors:

  • World record holder of “World’s Longest Time Spent Watching Television Nonstop”
  • Major League Gaming Two-Time Champion Of Halo 3 and Call of Duty 4
  • Eight-Time World Champion of the Budweiser Drinkathon

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