Home > Golf, Sports > Things That Annoy Golfers: Slow Players (Who Suck!)

Things That Annoy Golfers: Slow Players (Who Suck!)

Having hit a magnificent drive off the first tee, you walk back to your bag and wait for your playing partner to hit next. He grabs his tee and Titleist golf ball, examining both closely, before heading to the tee box. As he gets into his stance, he begins to shift his weight left and right, adjusts his grip, once, twice, maybe three times, and checks his club selection again. Shaking his head in disapproval, he goes back to his bag and pulls out his 3-wood instead, but only after taking a while to ponder his decision. Holding the club in his left hand, he gazes across the sky dubiously and bends down to snatch a handful of dried grass. Flinging it in the air, the grass is blown into his face as the wind gusts suddenly. Cursing loudly and spitting disgustedly, he rubs his eyes and then grabs his club to attempt another tee-off.

After placing the ball strategically on an untouched patch of grass, he goes into his preshot routine, but is interrupted again by the wind as it knocks his ball off the tee. Glaring at the ball as if it had betrayed him, he repositions the ball and takes a long, deep sigh.

Now in his stance again, he shifts his weight to-and-fro once more, changes his grip multiple times, and glances at his target and then back to the ball at least 10 times. And then he freezes, like a child unsure of where its parents have gone. Puzzled, you wonder to yourself whether he was nervous or just waiting for the wind to die down. Biting your lip as time ticks away with no progress whatsoever, you barely hold back your urge to scream and holler at him to swing. You cough once politely. Nothing. You sniff your nose and cough louder. Nada.

Then, miraculously your partner begins his swing! But, wait! He only manages to budge his arms no more than two inches! In fact, now you notice that he must’ve bumped his ball since it was now laying on the ground and not on the tee.

Finally noticing himself, your partner shrugs his shoulders apathetically and then kicks the ball elsewhere without placing it atop a tee. Closing his eyes and mumbling to himself in disgust, he stands ready to hit. Then, with a sense of urgency, he swings. Horridly, really. It even hurts to watch as you see his club move back in a path that not even Charles Barkley could imitate.

Bringing the club to its follow-through, he makes contact. A large, wet clump of grass is dug out of the ground behind the ball and thrown pathetically 5 feet ahead. Unmoving, your partner holds his stance as he tries to locate the ball on the fairway. But sitting plainly on the ground unharmed was the ball. Screaming like a maniac in disbelief, he takes his club and begins to swing repeatedly in a violent motion that resembles the killer from a slasher movie.

Stopping suddenly, with the ground all torn to bits and now unplayable, your partner begins to bare his teeth like a rabid dog at the innocent ball and shakes uncontrollably all over. Pulling his head back and taking a deep breath, he yells at the top of his lungs, “I HATE THIS GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Taking one last look around, he catches you looking, causing you to involuntary glance away. Without saying another word, your partner stalks off and disappears for the rest of the day.

Epic Golf Collapse

Every golfer has there good days and bad days. Then there was Jean van de Velde.

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