Idiot’s Guide to Protecting the Environment
- Eat in the dark– How wonderful would it be not never have to see your mother’s lovely liver eggplant? Granted, you can still smell it but hell, seeing is believing. Not only is it too dark to see what you’re eating, you don’t have to watch that hungry slob munching away on his Sloppy Joes no more.
- Never wash your clothes with the washing machine– Keeping your clothes in top shape requires extensive amounts of water usage. Eliminate the cost of your astronomical water bill for good and save the environment’s scarce supply of water. Note: If your friends and family begin to tell you how much you stink, just hang out all your clothes for a good day or two. If it rains, why not throw them as well and sit back and smile as nature does your laundry.
- Don’t take the bus- Climb onto the side of the bus and hold for dear life!- Ignore people’s endless pleas to ride public transit. They don’t care about the money that you’ll have to fork over to do so. Plus, you can tell people, it saves room on the bus!
- Steal people’s gasoline so they can’t drive– Vehicles alone contribute a significant amount of greenhouse gases that leak into our atmosphere, trapping heat along the way.
- Exhale less frequently– Every time you exhale, you release carbon dioxide into the air. From there, the harmful gas reaches the ozone layer, warms up the planet a tad bit more and global warming just got a whole lot worse.
- Flush the toilet after you have used it three times– Save that water! Open up those windows! It’s gonna reek!