How to Make Everyone Hate You
Kanye West, you’re my hero. As one of the greatest experts at what he does best, Kanye repeatedly proves to doubters time and time again that he has countless ways and schemes of ruining his celebrity reputation while spitting in the faces of helpless fans. Tonight at the MTV Video Music Awards, the man did it again, surpassing all expectations by targeting an unsuspecting singer, Taylor Swift, after she had won Best Female Video.
Barely twenty seconds into her acceptance speech, Swift is atrociously blindsided by Kanye when he hops onto the stage and grabs the microphone from her as if about to tell everyone that his new album was coming out tomorrow. With the crowd completely shocked and in utter confusion, Kanye made his important announcement: “I just wanted to let you know, that I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico. Thank you.” Wait, sorry. Wrong one.
Clearly, Mr. West is indicating with his opening sentence that he considers Taylor Swift a personal friend of his. Otherwise, he would’ve gone with something along the lines of: “Hello, Taylor” “Nice to meet you, Taylor” “Good evening to you, Taylor.”
“I, I, I, uh I, I’m really happy for you.”
Mr. West’s shaky beginning to his second sentence reveals how nervous he was as he addressed Taylor. Obviously, there is something more than the two being “friends”.
“I’ma let you finish.”
Always the kind and unselfish gentleman, Kanye lets Taylor know early on that she would have to wait her turn before continuing. Some people are just more important and Kanye needed everyone to know that.
“But Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.”
Here, Mr. West is referring to Beyonce’s mega-popular “Single Ladies” video. Let’s take a look at what he’s talking about.
Well, you can’t dispute what Mr. West is saying. He definitely has a good taste in music.
“One of the best videos of all time.”
Kanye’s final sentence from his announcement is precluded by a momentary pause after his previous sentence. After letting everyone know that he dances to “Single Ladies” in his house every night, Kanye pauses briefly to let the image of such a phenomenon sink in. With that final statement, the effect of his announcement reached a climax. To nail in the coffin for the night, Kanye finished off his performance with the shrug of the century.
Gazing across the audience in repugnance, he hands the microphone back to a speechless and dumbfounded Taylor Swift and proceeds to walk off the stage and back to his seat.