Five Things I Hate About College
“Hey, where the hell is the toilet paper?”
Having relieved yourself after eating that god-awful Sloppy Joes for dinner, you reach toward the toilet paper dispenser. There is no more toilet paper! Oh, the horror! Only the cold, brown tube remains, mocking your hilarious dilemma. Eyeing to and fro looking for any possible solution, you begin to panic. What the hell do I do? Will someone come in and rescue me? Do I have to call my roommate to ask him to get me some toilet paper?
Dude! I’m in a reeeeaaallly tough spot. A really tough stinky spot to be exact!
What are you talking about, man?
I’m in the bathroom, I just took a crap and there is no toilet paper!
(Laughs out loud uncontrollably for a good five minutes)
You’re a sad idiot, you know?
Yea, yea, just help me out alright?
Wait, hold up. My girlfriend is on the other line.
No, no, no! Get me outta here first! Don’t you understand my dire situation? Hello? Are you there?
Fortunately, I have managed to avert such a tragic situation in my suite’s bathroom thus far (knock on wood). However, sharing the same two toilets with ten other guys can mean a trip to the bathroom one would want to forget at any given moment. I shudder at the thought of it ever occurring.
I have to buy my own scantrons? What the hell?
“Remember, for the midterm on Thursday, you need to bring a scantron to the exam. I won’t have any for you,” my professor reminded us last week. Having paid ridiculous sums of money for tuition and housing, with the sum likely to increase next year, the one thing I would expect the school to do is to provide students with the necessary test-taking materials at no cost whatsoever. Don’t you agree?
Worst of all, when I went to the school’s bookstore to purchase the scantrons, I was confronted with six different versions to choose from. My teacher had not told me which one I would need. FML.
The bathroom is cleaned…once a week
I cannot begin to describe the horrid stench that perpetually pervades the bathroom. Not even several whiffs of Glade (the air freshener) would do you any good. The smell would always inevitably come back.
Holding your breath throughout a trip to the bathroom is equivalent to a Herculean feat. It simply cannot be done.
I wonder what the girls’ bathroom smells like?
Cafeteria food: They have there good days and bad days
Garlic bread, spaghetti, vegetables, and more garlic bread. Oh, yea. There’s also that ridiculously awful pizza offered every day, but it’s for emergencies only really.
The school must really be trying to cut back on the cost of food. Why else do they serve that friggin’ garlic bread at almost every station. My mouth even tastes like garlic bread at this moment and I haven’t eaten it since Friday.
Taking exams like packed sardines
The surface of my desk is approximately 10 inches by 13 inches. That’s about enough room to fit an 8 1/2″ X 11″ sheet of paper, a 5 1/2″ X 11″ scantron (placed on top of the sheet of paper), a pen/ pencil and eraser, and some Barry Bonds baseball cards. Well, at least that’s what the administrators of my cherished school must’ve thought.
So what heinous crime has your school of higher learning committed during your stay?